Paradise Lost
by Smile the world awaits
Summary: The following of Revelation and the first chapter posted by Kate Brian. It's what I think will happen in Paradise Lost. If you want to know you have to read it.
1. Welcome Back

**I don't own Private or any other book that Kate Brian has written. I'm just a huge fan!**

I turned and started down the hall, my footsteps heavy. A few doors down, I paused and looked over my shoulder. He was still standing there, watching me. Watching me walk away from him. "Keep me posted, okay? On how she's doing."

"I promise."

So there it was. Goodbye. I was going to be strong. I was not going to pine and whine and wish. I was going to be good. For me, for Josh, and for Ivy. That was my promise to myself.

I carried on walking the farther I walked a way from Josh the colder I felt, I was about to walk in to the waiting room when I felt the very little food I had eaten in the last 2 days begin to rise out of my stomach at an extremely fast pace up my throat. I turned and dashed in to the lady's room hoping Josh hadn't been watching long enough to see me. I heaved in to the bowl of the toilet, trying to hold my hair back at the same time. Suddenly I felt long, thin fingers take my hair in them and hold it back for me.

It was Noelle.

This was the girl who I had become so close to she even had said I was like her little sister that was until the legacy when I had been under the influence of ecstasy and nearly slept with her on-again, off-again boyfriend Dash. But, all of that had happened because the drugs had been slipped in to my drinks by my "best friend" Sabine.

I stood up after I was sure there was nothing left inside of me to come up, flushed the toilet and went over to the sink to rinse my mouth out. I turned around to see a very worried Noelle.

"Hey", she said in a soft voice, like she was scared I would brake down by the softest sound.

"Hi", I tried to answer in a strong voice, but it cracked.

She gave me a soft smile, like she was saying I know you're hurting and don't worry I can keep a secret, I reflected her smile but mine was saying thank you.

I lifted myself on to the basin and sat there, it was a comfortable silence.

"Um, how are you holding up?" Noelle was the first to speak up.

"I'm holding and you?"

"I don't matter right now, you do though. So, I wanted to ask, do you think Astrid needs a roommate?

"I don't know, why ask me? Ask Astrid, I bet she could actually answer that question."

"Oh My Word, Reed I was asking if you wanted to be a billings girl again!"

"What! Are you serious? Or is this just another one of your jokes that aren't funny?"

"I'm serious. Duh. So, do you?"

"Of Corse I do!"

"Then it's settled. Welcome back to billings Reed Brennan." She said with the biggest smile I had every seen on Noelle's face before. Then she gave me a hug. This hug made me realize that my life would soon go back to how it was meant to be and that maybe, just maybe I could make it without Josh and I could find true love again.

With who though?


	2. The Decision

**I do not own Private, Kate Brian does though!**

It had been 3 days since I had last talked to Josh, walked away from him, been accepted back in to Billings and been in that hospital. I hadn't heard anything new on Ivy and as far as I knew she was still unconscious. I had only slept for about 5 hours in the last 3 nights. I was exhausted, I was scared, I was angry, but most of all I felt guilty. I felt guilty because of what had happened to Ivy, I had let it happen, I had led Sabine to almost killing the girl that I now called a friend. She would have probably been sitting in her room with Josh talking and having fun if it wasn't for me.

I let this happen

I was bought out of my day dreaming (If you could even call it that) by my phone ringing. I looked at the picture and saw the most beautiful boy ever; Josh.

"Hello"

"Hey Reed its Josh"

"Oh, um, er, is everything ok?"

"Yeah, um, I just wanted to call and see if you were maybe free to come to the hospital, because Ivy has woken up and she wants to talk to you."

Oh, damn.

"Yeah, um, ok. I'll be there soon."

"Ok…bye"

"Bye", I hung up the phone. Just sat there, wondering if I had made the right decision. Then I knew I had to go, I had to make everything good between us and get it off my chest.

Half an hour later I was ready. I was wearing this really cute tee that had this big panda face on it from Wet Seal, my Chrissie skinny jeans, my uggs and my new DKNY Nappa leather hobo, courtesy of Noelle of corse. I quickly added some of my Stila lip glaze and I was ready to go.

I arrived at the hospital about 20 minuets later, I had borrowed Noelle's bright red Mini S Cooper convertible. I walked in to the entry and went to the lifts, I got in pressed level 7 and the doors were just closing when someone put their hand in to stop it. The person looked up and beautiful blue eyes looked straight in to mine. Great, I had to come to this hospital to talk to the girl who was in pain because of me and now I even had to be in the elevator with the same girl's boyfriend, who is also my ex and did I mention I was still in love with him? Ironic much?

"Hey", he was the first to speak.

"Hey"

"I was just getting coffee, want one? I can always go back to get Gage another."

"Sure.", he handed over the coffee and our hands just slightly brushed against each others, I felt a pang of electricity go through me. Then I must have not been holding on to it properly and it fell. Coffee went everywhere and all over my jeans! I quickly bent down to pick it up and so did Josh.

"Ow!" I knocked my head with his and fell back. He quickly had me in his arms, "I'm so, so, so sorry Reed!" "It's fine".

Then I realized just how close we were, I could look up and our lips would basically touch. I started to bring my head up and I felt him move closer. This was it, we were going to kiss, we are going to kiss, yes we…

_Ping!_

The doors started to open and we were pulled out of our moment, I pushed him away quickly, got up, straightened out and walked out and started down the hall that Ivy's room was and didn't even look back to see what Josh was doing, I just kept my head p and walked in the direction that was away from him. This direction was the direction that was going to determine what my next year and a half left at Easton was going to be like.

And my first point was:

From now on Josh and I are friends; I will not get tangled up in a love triangle. It was Josh and Ivy and me and um, friends for now.


	3. Promises Are Bad Things

**I do not own Private; don't get me wrong though I wish I did! But, I like Kate Brian owning it, because if it were me I would take forever to write the book.**

I arrived in front of room 4007; I took a huge breath in and then let it out.

_Knock, Knock, Knock_

"Come in!" A very awake Ivy screamed back.

"Hi" I poked my head in to the room.

A huge smile lightened her features and I couldn't help but give the same smile back. She gestured me to come over. I cautiously walked over.

"How are you?" I asked with a soft smile.

"I feel so good! I feel like I have gone to heaven seen it then still remembered it when I came back down and you?"

"I'm great", I lied.

"You sure? You don't look like your "fine". If I didn't know better I'd say you are so badly lying to me!"

"I guess you caught me", I fake smiled.

She laughed. "So, have you talked to Josh?" She asked this very seriously. I felt guilty.

"Um, yeah."

"Oh."

"Why?"

"Reed, I'm going to be totally honest with you. He's still in love with you and I always think he will be. But, I still really like him. So, I need you to tell me honestly do you have feelings for my boyfriend?"

Oh, shit! "Um. Ok, Ivy I'm going to be completely honest with you too. I do, but these feelings aren't just feelings they are true love and I know they will never go away. But, I also know that I can't play on them, he's your boyfriend now, not mine and I would never even touch him while you two are together. I hope you believe me, but if you don't I will prove it to you. I think you and I could be good friends and I know that won't happen if I'm trying to get your boyfriend.

She just stared at me and then she smiled. "Thank you for being so honest and you think that we could be good friends?"

"Yeah! I know we could"

Then I hugged her, I didn't realize what I was doing till I had done it. I quickly pulled away. "Sorry". She just laughed and pulled me back in to a hug.

My mind started to drift to what I had just promised and I went over what I had promised.

I had promised to basically stay away from her boyfriend, not even talk to him.

Damn, what did I just get myself in to?


	4. Professional Help

It had been two weeks since I went to talk to Ivy in the hospital and promised her I would stay away from her boyfriend; I was still kicking myself for promising such a stupid thing. Josh had tried to phone me several times, but I never answered them.

It was Monday, three more weeks and it's going to be Winter break. I had woken up at 4 this morning because of my own personal nightmare. At least I had slept for 6 hours which was a record for these past 2 weeks. I had decided I needed to catch up on some reading, so I went to pick up the new book I had just bought recently. It was called The Luxe by Anna Godbersen.

I must of lost track of time, this book was amazing. But suddenly Astrid's alarm clock went off and she jumped out of bed, not noticing I was staring at her. She must have figured it out, because she slowly turned around and a huge smile formed her lips.

"Hey!"

"Hi Astrid", I smirked. "Got a nice early jog with Trey?"

She blushed. "Yeah…"

"Oh, well don't let me hold you up from seeing your lover boy", I cockily said.

She just ran in to the bathroom and I laughed.

Half an hour later, Astrid was ready and was leaving. I just smiled at her and she returned it.

I carried on reading, but I wasn't so in to it anymore and so I got up and started to get ready a little early this morning. First I looked outside and to my surprise it was sunny, except I knew it would be slightly cold because of the very heavy wind I could see pushing all the trees in different directions. I went over to my closet and decided I would wear my grey plaid pleat mini skirt, polka dot lace trim cami, a ruffle trim crop cardigan, black pantyhose, silver lace peep toe heels, my hello kitty love planet tote, a square heart print scarf and my cute heart shaped sunglasses. I went to my jewellery box, it was one of the many presents I had received from the twin cities. It was absolutely beautiful. I carefully opened it up and picked out my peace wing charm necklace. I was finally ready at 6.45. I still had 45 minuets till breakfast, so I walked down the hall and in to Noelle's bedroom. She was still in bed, awake, but not totally.

I sat at her desk chair.

"Morning sleepy head, I think it's time you get up."

She just threw a pillow at me.

I sat there for about 10 minuets, she still hadn't gotten up and so me being in the moment I jumped on her bed and started bouncing up and down until she actually got out of bed. She came out of her bathroom at 7.25 and we walked to breakfast.

"So, you were ready early this morning, how many hours of sleep did you get last night?" She asked actually looking slightly concerned.

"Nearly a full 6 hours, it's my record."

"Reed, it's not a joke. You need to speak to someone."

"Well you're someone and I speak to you."

"Someone who's a professional, someone who can help you get over this whole thing. I know it was traumatic for you and you're never going to get over it unless you get help for it. So please Reed, do it for me."

"I don't know"

"Do it for Josh then."

"Don't try guilt me in to something Noelle! What I do will all depend on me, not on you and defiantly not on Josh, Ok?"

"Gosh, I'm trying to help you Reed and if guilt is the only way to do it I will. I don't want to see you like this anymore. You've been miserable!"

"Maybe I'm miserable because of something else; maybe it has nothing to do with what happened! Ever think that maybe no one can help me?"

"It's what you promised to Ivy isn't it?"

"I think so, I just keep replaying everything in my dreams and they never stop. My broken and it will be fixed unle…" She cut me off mid sentence.

"Unless you get Josh back."

"That. Is. Never. Going. To. Happen. He's Ivy's now, not mine."

I didn't let her say anything after that because we had just walked in to the cafeteria. We went to stand in the lunch line and that was when I looked up and saw who was standing in front of me and then he had to turn around to see who had walked up behind him. When he looked at me e looked straight in to my eyes and smiled. I didn't smile back, I couldn't it was a promise, a promise I could never break.

"Hey Reed. I've been trying to phone you?"

"Yeah, sorry I've been busy."

"Reed, I have noticed you're avoiding me what have I done?"

"I have to go." I put down my tray and ran out the cafeteria. All I heard as I ran towards the Art Cemetery was foot steps behind me, but I didn't look back to see who it was, because I knew who it was and it was the person that I needed right now.


	5. Show Me

**I do not own Private! Kate Brian does!**

I ran in to the Art Cemetery, followed by the other person who as running after me. Once I knew we were in and safe I turned around to face Josh. He just stared at me with a confused look on his face.

"Reed, what was that about?" He was shaking his head and he looked angry.

"I'm not allowed to talk to you anymore Josh."

"What? Why not? Did I do something?"

"No, you didn't do anything. I promised Ivy that I wouldn't talk to you anymore."

"Why would you do that?"

"She thinks your still in love with me and I told her that I'm in love with you, but that I would never make a pass at you. Then I promised her that I wouldn't talk to you anymore if it meant that I could be friends with her."

"Reed, how could you do that to me? How could you choose her over me?"

"Don't you dare say that! You chose her over me! I know she needs you but did you ever even think that maybe I needed you?"

He just stared back at me, with pain in his eyes. Then very quietly he answered, "No".

"Exactly, so don't for one minuet say that what I did was wrong. You hurt me, my heart is broken in to a million pieces too, but yours is fixed, Ivy fixed yours. Mine isn't though, mine feels like its being crumbled up every time I see you and Ivy together and I know mine will never go back to normal."

"You think my heart isn't broken? Mine has been broken every since the night of the legacy and mine will never go back to normal either. Ivy can't fix it."

"Oh. But don't you love Ivy?"

"No, I don't there's only one girl that I will ever love and she's standing in front of me right now."

"Show me", I said this so softly I wasn't even sure if he heard me.

He started to walk closer to me and than I was in his arms. I never wanted to let go, it just felt so good to be in his arms again. He slowly lifted my chin up and bought his lips down to mine, this moment seemed to drag on, but then his lips gently rested on mine and electricity ran right through me. It started to get more passionate.

That was the night that Josh showed me just how much he loved me.

It was also the night I broke my promise to Ivy and it was only the first time that I broke it.

_Sorry I know this was a short paragraph. I won't be updating for 3 days though, but I just thought I'd give all you Josh and Reed fans a little present to hold on to._


	6. The New Years Plans

**I do not own Private! Kate Brian does!**

Slowly I opened my eyes; I couldn't ignore the sound for much longer. It felt like a bird was sitting next to my ear and singing. Then I realized it was my phone and it really was right next to my ear. I picked it up and didn't even bother to look at the caller ID.

"Hello?" My morning voice must have sounded terrible to the person on the other side, because it sounded even worse than me.

"Hello!" The cheery voice of Josh sang right through me and I think it was the first time I wished he would leave me alone.

"Josh, it's a Saturday, why are you phoning me this early?"

"It's not that early, it's already 10.30."

"Oh. Then I'm up. Ok, so why are you really phoning me?"

"Well, you see Ivy has already left for Winter break. This means we have 4 days till I leave." I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Actually, we only have three."

"Why three?"

"Well I'm going to St Barts with Noelle and we are leaving a day early. But I actually think it's only because Noelle wants an extra day to shop."

"Oh, well threes enough for me as long as you get up right now and meet me in the Art Cemetery. Oh and by the way I like the jimjams", I blushed and then wondered how he knew that. "Reed, I thought you knew that our rooms were facing each other? At least Astrid figured it out"

"Ok, smarty pants, I'm going to get dressed, so I'll meet you there in half an hour?"

"Perfect", then he hung up.

I walked out of Billings at 11.03 leaving myself very little time to walk to Josh. I was wearing grey skinny jeans, a floral but trim top, a distressed bomber jacket, my star print scarf and my checker splatter tennis shoes. The biggest reason I had taken so long was that I didn't know what to wear under it. When Josh and I had first started going behind Ivy's back I had not told anyone. But, it was hard to keep it from Noelle so I told her and she said she didn't care about Ivy, but she did care about me, so I mustn't let myself get hurt again. Then she took me out to buy some lingerie.

I was so deep in thought I hadn't realized I had walked in to the AC and sat on Josh's lap until he started waving his hand in front of my eyes and saying my name. I snapped out of my day dream and looked at him, he smiled.

"What you thinking about?" He whispered this in my ear seductively.

"You", I smiled at him, then he started to kiss my neck, he kissed all the way down to the end of my collar bone, then he started his way back up. Slowly I lifted his shirt over his head and turned to fully face him, which meant I was straddling his lap. He then kissed me on the mouth and slowly started removing my jacket and then my shirt which revealed the sweet cherry pink ruffle bustier from Victoria Secret. After he saw that it wasn't long before it was to on the floor with the rest of our discarded clothes.

I was now laying in his arms my chest heaving up and down, showing that I was clearly out of breath. I could feel Josh's chest doing the exact same thing as mine, our chests even went up and down at the same time, we were perfectly in sync, two halves to one whole. I turned to face, he was staring at me in this loving way, the way he use to. I reached up and toyed with his hair. Then I remembered that he said Ivy had already left, but wasn't he meant to go to Paris with her?

"Hey, Josh?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Why didn't you leave with Ivy? I thought you were going to Paris with her."

"I was, but I decided not to, everything has been kind of stressful lately, so I'm just going to go to New York for the Holiday."

"Are you going to be in New York for New Years?"

"Yep, why?"

"Noelle and I were thinking of throwing a huge party, nothings been finalized, but if we do we want to throw it in New York."

"That would be so cool! I would get to spend New Years with you! Now you have to throw that party", he said smiling.

"I guess I do!"

He smiled, then kissed me. I pulled away.

"I love you, Joshua Hollis", I was sure my smile was so huge that it looked like the size of the planet.

"I love you more, Reed", He had that most beautiful smile on his face.

I kissed him slowly and that's what we did for the next 45 minuets.

One hour later I tried to sneak back in to Billings, hoping no body had seen me walk out the AC. I got half way up the stairs, when Noelle's voice sang loud and clear, "Reed, I saw you try sneak in. Come here please." I walked back down that stairs, in to the lounge and over to where Noelle was.

"Hey"

"Ok, so, Reed how's Josh?"

"When did you start caring how Josh is?"

"I don't, I was just trying to be nice. But, anyways did you have fun?"

I just blushed.

"I'll take that as a yes", she said with a laugh.

I was about to get up when I remembered about the party.

"Noelle, remember we talked about having a New Years party in the city?"

"Yes."

"Well, I was thinking that we should do it. What do you think?"

She just smiled. With that smile I knew that this party was going to start the year off with a bang! Hopefully no real bangs.

_Sorry I haven't written in a while, but this was a nice long one. So, hopefully it makes up for lost time. _

_Jess _

_xxx_


	7. The Four Seasons

It was three in the morning, Noelle had kept the twin cities, Astrid, Constance and I up planning the New Years party. We were already quite far and it had only been 2 days, well 1 and a half actually, we had planned the guest list, invitations, the music, the food, the fire works, half of the venue and the decorations. Noelle had asked all the Billings girls to help if they could, but only Astrid, Constance, the twin cities and Tiffany could and of corse me. Noelle and I had assigned a job to each of the girls that were in this room. Astrid was doing the music, Constance was doing food, the twin cities were designing the invitations, Tiffany was doing the decorations and she was going to take pictures that night, the boys were planning the fire works, Noelle and I were doing the guest list and choosing the venue. Right now everyone was fighting about what they thought would be the right theme, while I just sat there; I was too tired to fight. I slowly got up and started towards the door.

"Reed, where the hell do you think you are going?" Noelle said this like what I was doing would be the worst thing ever.

"I'm going to bed guys; I'm tired, grumpy and just plain tired! I haven't had a full nights sleep in two nights and we are going shopping for our New Years dresses tomorrow. So, I'll see you all tomorrow", and with that I walked out the door, down the passage, in to my room and got in to bed. I was asleep in seconds.

I woke up at 8.00 all by myself, I knew we were leaving at 10.00 to go to New York and go shopping. So, I decided to just get up and go get ready. I could feel it was quite cold, so I picked warm clothing, but I also picked smart clothing, because we were also going to look at a few venues. I decided on a Dolman-Sleeve Blouse, Mini Skirt from and Satin Ruffle Pumps in red, but they looked orangey. I looked in my full length mirror and I didn't look half bad. I turned around a few times making sure there was no stain or any dirt in some place I didn't check. While I was examining my clothes Noelle walked in, she looked me over.

"Wow, Brennan. I see I've taught you well." I couldn't help but smile at this, because if Noelle liked it I knew it had to look pretty great.

"Thanks."

"Ok, so stop examining your outfit and come to the car, we are all ready to go."

"Ok, I'll see you there now"

We were on our way to New York in Noelle's Mini S Cooper; everyone was talking about the party and what they wanted their dresses to look like. I was just listening and watching the view go by. It was so beautiful. It took us a few hours to get to New York, but we were now parking Noelle and Astrid's cars in the parking underneath The Four Seasons Hotel. We all got our stuff and rode the elevator up to the 1st floor, where we got our keys to our suite.

We were all staying in the Ty Warner Penthouse. I was not that shocked at what the Hotel looked like, because when we passes the front of it there were five huge golden stars under the name.

The lift suddenly came to a stop and big red numbers signalling that we were on the 52nd floor, the doors opened with a little bell sound in to a little room with double doors leading in to the suit, Noelle stepped forward and swiped her card and the tiny red button changed to a green one. She was about to open the doors, but just before she did she faced us with a smirk on her face and said, "Welcome to paradise girls, these next two nights we are going to have fun and not care who see us, we are literally going to shop till we drop and we are going to live like the queens we are", and with that said she opened the doors to the suit and showed us the view of five guys standing there they were Dash, Trey, Whit, Gage and Josh.

When I saw him standing there I couldn't help but think that Noelle was either torturing me or she had a plan that I had no idea about. And I kind of hoped it was that she was just trying to torture me, but I had a feeling that sadly it was my second idea that she was doing. But, if so what was the plan?


	8. I'll Wait For You

**I do not own Private!**

I was still staring at the five boys in our room, suite thing, when Noelle started saying who was staying where.

"Ok, so Dash and I are going to stay in the main room seeing I am paying for the suite", I rolled my eyes at this, it was just such a Noelle comment, "London, you will stay in the one down the hall", She said this pointing to the door of her room, "Vienna, you will stay in the one opposite London's", again she pointed to the room she was talking about, "Gage you will stay in that one, Trey you can stay there, Astrid you can stay there, Constance and Whit, that's your room", She stopped for a few seconds then slowly said, "Josh and Reed, I am really sorry but you are going to have to stay together. I hope you two don't mind?"

"Why would I mind", I tried to say this as nicely as possible, but it still came out a bit harsh.

"I'm sorry, but it's not like I could put Trey and Astrid together", that's when I realized that she didn't know about Astrid and Trey.

So, I did the only thing I could, I smiled, picked my bag up and started for my room. Josh followed my suit after a few seconds.

I opened my door and walked in; I dropped my bag and fell on to the bed.

"Wow, Reed I never thought it would tire you out to have to lie about minding being in same room and bed with me."

"How do you know I was lying?" I said this with a seductive smile on my face.

"Well, I'm hoping you were. So, I was thinking we should maybe stay here for a while and meet up with the others a little later"

"Oh, I like the sound of that", he was about an inch away from me now, so I leaned in and I was about to kiss him, but then I span right past him, picked up my bag and went in to the walk in closet.

"Reed, that was so unfair!"

"Oh, don't worry Josh; I'm coming out now, now, unless you don't want me to look nice for you?" He didn't answer so; I guessed I had made my point. I quickly changed in to a black pleated babydoll from Victoria's Secret. I knew he was going to love it especially with the black stiletto pumps I was wearing with it. I walked out and he was lying on the bed staring at the ceiling. I stared at him for a few seconds, wondering if he was going to notice me there. He didn't, so slowly I walked over to him and stood in front of his legs.

"Hello, Josh?" He suddenly noticed me and looked at me, I was even sure I saw him stop breathing. He slowly sat up and put his hands on my waist. I put my legs on either side of his legs and lowered my mouth down to his. I slowly undid all the buttons on his shirt and pushed it off his arms. All the rest of our clothes followed suit within minuets.

We were lying on the most comfy bed I had ever been on. I was wrapped in his arms and just thinking about when we were together, was it better than now?

"Josh?" I asked pulling him out of his thoughts, "was it better when we were together or is it better now?"

It was silent for a few second

"I think it was very different when we were together. I loved being with you and being able to show people, but I also think that it's nice this way, we don't have all that pressure we use to. We never fight; we are the perfect couple now, even though we aren't technically a couple."

"You really think its better this way?" He looked down at me.

"I think that we are perfect no matter what kind of couple we are."

"Then why are you still with Ivy?"

"Reed, we have talked about this, I'm with Ivy because she needs me."

"So, how long do I have to wait?"

"Just give me a little while, please Reed?" I looked in to his eyes, I could see how desperately he wanted to be with me, but I could also see that he felt he had to stay with Ivy; at least he had to for a while.

"Ok, I'll wait for you. I'll wait as long as you need me to", he smiled and kissed me.


	9. Shopping and food

Josh and I had gotten back dressed in to what we were wearing earlier and we were now just talking about random things that we had done when we were a couple. At this moment we were talking about our first kiss, not the one that happened while playing soccer, the other one, the one that I started crying and ran out from. We were laughing at it now, which was a good thing I guess. Then someone knocked on who door, I got up to see who it was and what they wanted. I opened the door and Astrid and Trey came in.

"Hey peoples", Astrid said in her strong British accent.

"Hey, sorry about this, Astrid and I could have shared, but Noelle doesn't really know about us yet and if she found out it would be out in seconds that we are dating."

"Oh, it's fine! Don't worry about it. We'll live." I looked back at Josh and he was still lying on the bed.

"Good! Ok, so Noelle says you two have to get your buts down to our cars in 2 seconds or you won't have a dress to where to the party"

"Ok, come on Josh, get your lazy bones off that bed and come right now", he looked at me slightly confused, I just smiled.

We had just arrived at Bergdorf's. I loved this place; it made the world seem so perfect, like all your problems would be solved by a dress or a new bag. I was the first to start walking to the elevator; we all crammed in to it and pressed the button 4. The boys were being forced by Noelle to judge our dresses, so that each of us found the perfect dresses. Josh and I were right at the back and everyone was so caught up in their own conversations, we were staring at each other and I was so tempted to pull him close and ravish his lips. Luckily before I did that the doors started to open. We all got out and everyone went with their guys, even the twin cities left me there and even better I was left alone with Josh. So, I took his hand and dragged him to the Valentino area. I let go of his hand and started looking through all the evening wear, there wasn't really anything besides a white ruffled gown, so I piled that on to Josh's ready arms and went to look at the Carolina Herrera evening wear. There was a pretty Coral Gown and a one shoulder bow dress; those were too piled on to Josh's arms.

"I'm first going to try those on, so come on." I pulled him by his arm to the try on rooms. I went in to the first one, with him. I pulled my shirt and pants off and took the white ruffle dress by Valentino from his arms and slipped in to it and he zipped the back up. I turned to him and he just shook his head, I tried on the other two, but neither were the right one. I took the dress and left them on the desk and went to go look at the Akris area, there was nothing there. So, we went to the next floor, I went to the Armani collection, I found an Asian toile dress and a floral dress, piled them on Josh's arms. Next was Carmen Marc Valvo, I found a gold lace strapless dress, but then I found a Aurora Chiffon Dress, and I went over to it and looked for a size 2, there was one left, I picked it up and walked straight to the try on rooms, leaving Josh standing there with all the other dresses in his arms. I quickly got undressed again and pulled it over my head. I walked out the room and over to where Josh was standing and he zipped it up. I turned around to face him and the mirror and I knew that this was the dress. I got back dressed and went to find the others. Once I had found them all we went to try on the dresses that we had found. Noelle of course went first, but when she walked out in a red embroidered dress by Carmen Marc Valvo, she looked absolutely dangerous, but so beautiful too. Dash put up ten fingers, Trey put up eight, Josh put up seven, Whit put up six and Gage put up ten and put his tongue out like he was out of breath. Now it was my turn I stepped out in my Aurora Chiffon dress by Elizabeth and James. Every guys eyes looked they were going to fall out of their heads, then all five guys put up ten gingers each and I couldn't help but blush. To go with my dress I had chosen a pair of black Christian Louboutin Nooka Bow Slingbacks, I thought they were so adorable. I walked back to join Noelle.

"Well done Glass licker, I see I've taught you well and I have to say that is one sexy outfit, be careful I don't think Hollis is ready to die", I laughed with her.

When we were done paying and everyone had bought their dream dresses, it was 7.30, so we decided to go and have dinner. We had all decided on going to Bella Blu, the Italian restaurant on the Upper East Side, we got in to Noelle and Astrid's cars and drove to the restaurant. We parked and walked in to the restaurant, a very handsome Italian man came up to us, the oldest he could be was 21.

"Evening ladies, table for eleven?"

"Yes, please"

"Where would you like to sit, by the window? Outside?"

"By the window would be great"

"Okay, please follow me."

He walked us over to the window, we took our seats and the man gave us our menus. I watched him walk away, he turned around and winked at me and I gave him my sexy smile and faced by friends.

"Okay, seeing we all found our dresses for the party today, I vote we celebrate with a bit of Champaign", everyone said yes and Noelle called the waiter over with a flick of her hand.

"We will have three bottles of your finest Champaign", She them put a fifty dollar bill in to the drink menu.

"Of course miss", he pulled the fifty out and stuffed it in his pocket. Then came around and took all the drink menus, then came back with the food menus and the Champaign. I opened my menu, as the waiter came around pouring Champaign in to each of our glasses.

Josh leaned over and whispered in my ear, "What are you having? Oh, and the waiters staring at you creepily", I looked up at the waiter and smiled. I leaned over to Josh and said, "I think I'm going to have the salmon ravioli, what about you?"

"The same", then he gave me the sweetest smile and I so badly wanted to be able to kiss him right now. So, I turned away and turned to Astrid.

"Hey, Astrid?"

She turned to me, "Yeah?"

"Come with me to the bathroom?"

"Sure", she looked at me concerned.

We excused our selves, walked towards the bathroom and went in.

"Are you okay, Reed?"

"I don't know", I sat on the basin.

"What's wrong, Reed? You're kind of freaking me out."

I took a deep breath, "I've been seeing Josh secretly and um", I breathed in and out again, "I'm running late." She stared at me taking it all in.

"You think you're pregnant?" She looked like she was going to faint.

"I don't know, I should have started five days ago."

"When did you and Josh start this?"

"Um, about three, two weeks ago."

"Oh My God, Reed. What were you thinking?" She quietly screamed at me and hit my arm. I looked at her and rubbed my paining arm.

"I said I don't know. I don't know why I'm still even doing it with him, but, I know that I love him more than anything."

"Have you told him?"

"No, nor am I going to, he doesn't ever need to know."

"Reed, of course he needs to know! He could be a father in nine months."

"He doesn't want this."

"Reed, we are talking about Josh, he wants to know anything that happens to you and he will want to be there if there is a baby."

"So, what you saying I should tell him?"

"Yes!"

"How? Oh, by the way Josh, when we were having sex one of the times in the beginning, the condom must have broken, because I think I might be pregnant? He will die Astrid, literally die."

"Just tell him, because otherwise I will. He deserves to know." then she left me there in my own circle of hell.

I had to tell him. I had to tell him. I had to tell him. Fun.


	10. Test

**I don't own Private! sadly :( **

I walked back out of the bathroom determined to figure out what my future would hold. I walked straight to the table knowing exactly what I had to do.

"Hey, guys. I'm really sorry but, I'm really not feeling well so I'm going to go back to the hotel and try and sleep it off", Josh looked up at me; I could see the worry evident in his eyes.

"I'll go with you; I wouldn't want you to spend your night alone"

"Josh, no it's fine and if this bug is contagious I wouldn't want you to catch it", I didn't give him time to protest, I quickly walked out of there. Once I was out, I turned back making sure no one was following and I sped walked down the road, to the nearest pharmacy. I walked in to the pharmacy, double checking none of my friends had come in after me. I walked through the aisles scanning them from top to bottom. I found the shelf holding the pregnancy tests, but there were so many different brands. I decided in the end to take the most expensive and I walked to the cashier. She was an old woman, with little brown aging spots all over her hands and face. She looked up at me, a little shocked at what she saw I had put on the counter to pay for, I just gave her my most innocent smile.

"That will be $25, darling", she said in a strained voice.

"Thank you", I paid the money and left as fast as I could, I wasn't sure about how much time I would have before the others would get back to the hotel.

I summoned a taxi with a wave of my hand, got in and sat with the little brown paper bag which could tell me exactly what my how my future would be in just a few minutes.

I walked in to the hotel suite; double checked every room to make sure no one had come looking for me. I slipped in to my bathroom and locked the door; the last thing I needed was to have Josh looking for me and walk in on me now.

I pulled the little box out and got the little test stick out.

"You better come out negative", then I sat on the toilet and peed on the little stick. It had said wait two minutes, but how the hell were you meant to wait two minutes! Those two minutes felt like they had been 20 minutes. Finally the long hand moved to little spaces to the right and I picked up the stick, which felt so heavy in my hands now. First I thought I saw a tiny little red plus sign, but then my vision cleared and I saw the complete opposite it was a minus sign, it was a tiny little blue minus sign.

"Yes!" I screamed this at the top of my voice; I was just so over taken by joy.

Then there was a light little knock on the door, I opened it up, totally forgetting that the pregnancy test was lying next to the basin in full view. Josh was standing on the other side of the door, with a goofy grin on his beautiful features.

"Well, look whose feeling better now", then his eyes averted to the pregnancy test and his eyes turned panicked.

"Josh, turn that frown upside down!" I said laughing. He just looked at me seriously.

"Reed, why is there a pregnancy test next to the basin?" I looked at him confusedly and then a soft smile came over my lips.

"Josh, it's negative. It was just a scare", he looked happy and then a look of pain and anger.

"There was a scare? Is that why you left? Why didn't you tell me Reed? You could have been carrying my child and I didn't know! Gosh, Reed why would you not tell me, don't you know you can tell me everything?" I looked back at him, while he raged on and on.

"Josh, stop! I didn't tell you because I was not sure! I didn't want to tell you and cause a problem between us that could have been avoided! Josh, I did the right thing can't you see that?" He looked at me still angry, but then a small smile crept on to his lips and hugged me tightly against him, I could feel all his muscles against me, it was like we fitted perfectly together.

I pulled away and pressed my lips against his beautiful, soft lips and they moved in sync together.

It was like we were a puzzle, but the only piece missing was that we couldn't be together in public; we had to always be closed behind doors, in the shadows.

**NB! **I might not carry on with this story if I can't finish it by the 24th, so if I don't I will start on Suspicion as soon as I have read Paradise Lost :)

Also, I want to say thank you for all the great reviews I have gotten for my story so far. You are all wonderful readers!


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